Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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