look no pants
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We smell like vodka and hangover
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