"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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