i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
