i jhust puked up my retainher.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
