It's like God shit irony all over that family
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
