I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
