who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
