so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
