i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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