my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
