so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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