Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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