i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
