It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
