Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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