I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
