see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
