I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
