I just gift wrapped bread.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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