Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
