I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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