i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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