Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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