There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You are the jesus of drinking
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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