I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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