did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
