it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
