why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
