i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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