I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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