So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
