Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
