i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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