he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
