you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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