i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
