How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
