You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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