His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
