Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
