Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
