the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My pussy is not your playground.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
