I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
