Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
