I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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