My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
