So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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