dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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