For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
