I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
