i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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