After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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