I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
