She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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