im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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