I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
