I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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