Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
foreskin is a definite game changer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
