Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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