6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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