Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
