I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
