I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
