last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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