Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Of course I have a pirate flag
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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