You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
