Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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