she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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